The Art of Wedding Toasts During a Wedding: A Guide to Who Speaks and How Long They Should Talk
As wedding venue owners at The Venue at Murphy Lane in Newnan, GA, we have seen many wedding toasts given. The most numerous wedding toasts are during the Rehearsal Dinner. But the most meaningful wedding toasts we have seen are given during the wedding reception. There are so many variables we cannot give exact advice for every situation. Who is giving the wedding toast? Is the person giving the toast comfortable in front of a group? Has anyone given those giving wedding toasts any guidelines? We are happy to share our experiences from the weddings we have seen here at Murphy Lane, but you really don’t know what is going to happen until it does!
Weddings are filled with timeless traditions—something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. But one custom that truly captures the spirit of celebration is the wedding toast. Whether it’s heartfelt, humorous, or a little bit of both, wedding toasts are moments that bring the room together in shared joy and sentiment.
In the U.S., the wedding toast is not just a tradition—it’s a centerpiece of the reception, a rite of passage for the couple’s closest loved ones, and sometimes, a viral sensation. But who exactly gives these toasts? How long should they be? And what makes a good one? Let’s dive into everything you need to know about wedding toasts in the United States.
What Is a Wedding Toast?
A wedding toast is a short speech delivered during a wedding celebration that expresses well wishes, stories, and sentiments about the couple. Traditionally, it concludes with a literal “toast”—a raise of the glass and a collective sip in honor of the newlyweds.
Toasts may be funny, sweet, tearjerking, or a little of all three. The tone often depends on the relationship between the speaker and the couple, and whether the toast is given at a formal dinner, casual reception, rehearsal dinner, or after-party.
Who Typically Gives Wedding Toasts in the U.S.?
While wedding traditions vary from one region or culture to another, there’s a fairly consistent list of people expected to give wedding toasts at American weddings. These usually include:
1. The Best Man
The best man’s toast is arguably the most anticipated. Often funny and occasionally embarrassing (within reason!), the best man’s speech usually includes anecdotes from the groom’s past, insights into the couple’s relationship, and heartfelt wishes for their future. It’s usually delivered after dinner or at the beginning of the reception speeches.
2. The Maid or Matron of Honor
The maid of honor toast is typically more emotional and reflective. She might recount memories of the bride, speak to her character, and talk about the love story from her perspective. It’s often a beautiful moment of connection, and a perfect complement to the best man’s energy.
3. Parents of the Bride and/or Groom
Sometimes the father of the bride gives a welcome speech, especially if he’s hosting the wedding. This can be a formal greeting, a warm thank-you to guests, and a few kind words about the couple. Mothers of the bride or groom, depending on the family dynamic, may also give a toast—especially in more modern or inclusive ceremonies.
4. The Couple Themselves
It’s becoming increasingly common for the bride and groom to give a joint toast at the end of the reception. They usually thank their guests for attending, express gratitude to their families, bridal party, and vendors, and reflect on the day.
5. Other Honored Guests
In some cases, siblings, close friends, or even grandparents are invited to speak. At smaller weddings or rehearsal dinners, toasts can be more informal and open, with more people invited to say a few words.
At Murphy Lane we suggest that many wedding toasts be given during the Rehearsal Dinner. Of course, not everyone will hear them but usually the bridal party and some, if not all, family members will. If you don’t control who gives wedding toasts during the wedding reception or suggest time limits you may find that the flow of the evening might bog down as wedding toasts and “speeches” go on and on. It might affect the timeline for the rest of your reception as well. This is an area we can discuss with you. It’s also something a wedding planner can help you work through.
How Long Should a Wedding Toast Be?
This is one of the most common questions, and for good reason—timing is everything. A great speech should be just long enough to tell a story or two, make an impact, and leave the audience wanting more.
Ideal Wedding Toast Length: 3 to 5 Minutes
Three to five minutes is the sweet spot. That’s roughly 400 to 700 words. Long enough to be meaningful, short enough to keep everyone’s attention (and the timeline on track). Here’s how that time can typically break down:
- Introduction (30 seconds): Greet the audience and introduce yourself.
- Personal Story or Memory (1–2 minutes): Share a heartfelt or funny story that reflects your relationship with the bride, groom, or both.
- Reflection and Well Wishes (1–2 minutes): Talk about the couple’s relationship, express your support, and end with warm wishes for their future.
- Toast (15 seconds): Raise your glass and invite everyone to toast the newlyweds.
Avoid:
- Rambling stories with no point
- Inside jokes no one else will get
- Long speeches that turn into life stories
- Reading from your phone without ever making eye contact
When Do Wedding Toasts Happen?
The schedule of toasts can vary depending on the wedding format, but in general, here’s how it goes:
At the Reception:
- During Dinner: Most toasts happen during the dinner portion of the reception. This helps break up courses and keeps energy up.
- Before Dancing Begins: Major toasts are usually completed before dancing starts, to keep the program moving and avoid pulling guests back into their seats.
During the Rehearsal Dinner:
- More Casual and Open: The rehearsal dinner is a great time for informal toasts from more friends and family. The mood is typically more intimate and relaxed, with fewer time constraints.
At Post-Wedding Events:
- Day-After Brunch: Occasionally, especially for destination weddings or multi-day events, family or friends will toast the couple at a goodbye brunch.
Tips for Giving a Memorable Wedding Toast
Whether you’re a seasoned public speaker or giving your first toast ever, here are a few tried-and-true tips:
1. Practice Makes Perfect
Rehearse your speech multiple times. Even if you don’t memorize it word-for-word, familiarity helps you stay calm and on track.
2. Speak from the Heart
Don’t feel like you need to be a stand-up comedian or a poet. The best speeches are sincere and personal. Be yourself, and speak directly to the couple.
3. Avoid Overindulgence Before You Speak
It’s tempting to have a few drinks to calm your nerves—but too many and you might slur, ramble, or say something you regret. Wait until after your toast to really celebrate.
4. Keep It PG
Remember your audience. Parents, grandparents, and children might be listening, so avoid crude jokes or inappropriate stories.
5. End with a Clear Toast
Don’t forget the whole point: to raise your glass and toast the couple. A simple “To love, laughter, and a lifetime of happiness!” works just fine if you’re unsure how to close.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even with good intentions, a few pitfalls can derail a toast. Here’s what not to do:
- Going too long: No matter how great your speech is, once it hits the 7- to 10-minute mark, attention wanes.
- Making it about yourself: The spotlight should be on the couple—not your relationship history or personal accomplishments.
- Inside jokes and references: If only two people in the room understand it, skip it.
- Reading word-for-word in a monotone voice: Notes are fine, but try to make eye contact and sound natural.
- Roasting instead of toasting: A gentle tease or two is okay, but it’s not a roast. Stay respectful.
A Modern Take: Video Toasts and Virtual Speeches
In our increasingly digital world, video toasts and remote speeches are gaining popularity—especially when key people can’t attend in person. Couples might even incorporate a curated video of messages from friends around the world, edited into a highlight reel for the reception.
This is a great option for destination weddings or for including loved ones who couldn’t make the trip.
There is another thing we have learned after hosting over 230 weddings here at The Venue at Murphy Lane, near Atlanta GA. If you plan to use videos, slideshows, a Zoom call or any other device-driven presentation it needs to be tested before the moment you count on it to work. Things might work fine for you at home or in your hotel. But try your equipment in the exact place you will use it. Hopefully, this can be done before you need it. At Murphy Lane we are happy to let you give your equipment a trial run the day before the wedding. The rehearsal is a good time to try things out!
Wrapping Up
Wedding toasts are one of the most cherished parts of the celebration. They create moments that live on in memory (and sometimes on video!) for years to come. Whether you’re the best man, maid of honor, a parent, or just someone who has something meaningful to say, the key to a great toast is sincerity, brevity, and heart.
So if you’ve been asked to speak at a wedding, embrace the honor. With the right amount of preparation and a focus on love, your toast can be one of the night’s highlights—and something the couple will treasure forever.
Raise your glass—here’s to unforgettable words, unforgettable nights, and unforgettable love. Cheers!
Locally Owned Wedding Venues are Different!
The Venue at Murphy Lane is about 60 minutes from Atlanta. We are a locally owned small business with local owners, venue staff, vendors and connections. We can help you and your guests find whatever they need to be comfortable and relaxed when traveling to attend your wedding celebration. If you’d like to contact us at Murphy Lane, click here: https://thevenueatmurphylane.com/
Other Locally Owned Wedding Venues Across the USA that We Support:
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Feel free to explore the blogs and galleries of these locally owned wedding venues to get inspiration from around the US!
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